Desperation: Just A Hop, Skip & Jump Away

“The trouble is not that I am single and likely to stay single, but that I am lonely and likely to stay lonely.” –Charlotte Bronte

Loneliness.  When I hear that word, I think of solitude, isolation, single, alone, sad, and desperate. Loneliness feeds desperation. Be careful! Desperation can cause the most level-headed people to make the stupidest decisions. Take for example Bachelor Ben Flajnik choosing Psycho Courtney as a wife. I can only account desperation as the reason for Ben’s huge mistake.

Everyone has a breaking point. Luckily I’m not there yet… well I don’t think I am. But it happens. If you are single and longing for a relationship, please be aware of the signs of desperation.

The Wandering Eye

Usually the term wandering eye is reserved for someone who is already in a relationship. The wandering eye for a single person is when you are checking out someone that you have NO business checking out.

Friend’s Girlfriend/Boyfriend: This isn’t that unusual. If your friend has a hot boyfriend, they should be expecting this. The problem lies within the impending breakup. You cannot be planning out how cute you two could look as a couple, when your friend is still with that person. You’re desperate.

The Slightly Older Figure: There is nothing wrong with admiring an older man. It is a little different when a guy admires an older woman, but we won’t get into that. I know that young women may have a tendency to cast a glance at older men who hold authoritative roles, Eg. Teacher/Instructor. When you start having substantial thoughts about a secret relationship with your married teacher, STOP! You’re desperate.

A Youngin’: Consider this your low point. Get help immediately. That young teenage punk is not a viable option for a boyfriend. You’re desperate. Enough said.

Mom’s Crazy Ideas

I love how parents think they can find the perfect match for their children.  My mother is no exception. She makes it known that her eyes are always open for my next boyfriend. She often tells me that I’m lucky we’re from Canada, or she would have arranged my marriage by now. I know she’s still thinking about it. I’ve caught her talking with my Indian neighbour.

“Don’t worry. We will take her to India. She will have very good time,” says my neighbour.

Do they think I don’t know what they’re talking about? I’ll leave Canada single, and come back married! The three of us stood in the driveway, and everyone was imagining a completely different man for me. It went a little something like this:

The scariest part is… I had actually considered it! Don’t worry, I came to my senses. But that’s what happens when you don’t keep desperation in check. You’ll start accepting crazy ideas created by your parents… and your neighbours.

Online Dating Sites

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with online dating. I’ve heard it can be very successful. According to a relationship expert from Match.com, 1 in 5 relationships start online. Everyone’s doing it, even celebrities! Personally, I think people sign up for online dating because they suffer from singles blues. When singles blues start, desperation follows.

Once, I tried to talk my cousin into making an eHarmony account. That didn’t fly with her, so I made one for myself. I answered the mile long questionnaire and imagined that each question would bring me closer and closer to my ideal man. Everything was going well until I reached the ending – the payment page. Apparently you can buy love, and it costs $60.00 a month.

Notice: Most dating sites use the colour blue… (singles blues)

That was the end of my adventure with eHarmony.

As I perused through different dating sites, I did grasp a firmer understanding on the concept of QUANTITY vs. QUALITY. Every dating site will have quantity. Signing-up is simple, searching for people is easy, and a lot of sites are free. However, quality is not as easy to achieve.  This is why they have a payment page. People would only pay for a dating site if they were absolutely serious about finding love. I am serious about love, but I’m also seriously living on a student budget (don’t judge).

This is why I was forced to use the free dating sites. The free sites are like the awkward table in high school. Match.com and eHarmony sit rightfully at the cool table with the jocks and the cheerleaders. All the successful guys go there, all the mature guys go there, and probably all the good-looking guys too. Free sites like MeetMeInTO and PlentyOfFish pick up all the scraps. Their sites lacked visual appeal, their guys lacked charm and manners, and I had too much self-esteem to stick around. I learned my lesson.  You get EXACTLY what you pay for.

Desperation is subtle, and sneaks up on you like mosquito bite. Rarely will you know it happened until you’re already suffering through the symptoms. So, watch out! Don’t make the same mistakes I did. Avoid free dating sites.

You don’t realize the importantance of QUALITY until it’s gone!

 

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